Cun't

As some of you already know, I have Tourette syndrome. You may have heard of Tourettes which is a condition where the brain cannot control the irresistible urge to say naughty words. Luckily I don’t have that specific condition, but I do have a far rarer tangent known as Finger Tourette’s where I spend my day fighting the maddening urge to flip people off with both hands. This affects me at work where I mostly stay behind my cubicle walls when I speak with colleagues, but it has cost me dearly during employee reviews.

This has also affected my ability to write because I also cannot resist the urge to type nasty words while I’m typing an ordinary email. I spend most of my time revising a simple correspondence letter to remove the profanity. This page has been cleaned up already, but this is how it originally read: “As some of you SHIT SHIT SHIT know, I CUNT have tour FUCK YOUUUU…” Ah, maddening. My fingers completely take over and make all caps and italicize and even change the fonts to Arial, because my doctor thinks it sounds like areola.

Tourrettes was named after Jeff Tourrettes, a man in London who was a cunt cunt cunt, and I didn’t accidentally type that. He really was. He was a fucking asshole who played up his condition for sympathy and free stuff. It’s like people who use their limp as a crutch.

Cunt. People hate that word, but how would they feel with an apostrophe in it. Cunt is horrible, but can't we can live with. It's all in the cuntext.

Cun’t – to cun not. Used in sentence: Mort would like to get together with his ex-wife for a night of drinks and memories, but in all good conscience he cun’t.

I'd like to think my dad had Tourettes, but he was just always mad at me.