Football Fetish

Forever I’ve been saying that football is getting too gay. And I didn’t mean gay like players stare at each other in the showers kinda gay. I mean gay like soft. But now I’m not so sure, meaning it really might be gay gay. If you have the NFL network, you know this commercial where a shirtless Adrian Peterson is running full bore toward the camera. It’s an ad for the NFL’s brand of fantasy football. Peterson is ripped. In slow motion, his pecks ripple the thin line of body fat. Let’s not lie to ourselves. He is a gorgeous black man in physical peak perfection coming right at me and the last line of the commercial, "What is your fantasy?" Are we still talking about football? He’s not holding a football. He’s not dressed like a football player. Hell, he’s not dress at all. If I was ever on the fence (or as they say in football, D-Fence) then I’m beginning to rethink my fantasies.

In this spirit, I have to wonder why a successful field goal is only called Good. Why just good? If the field goal kicker makes it from the 30 yard line, then that’s good, but if he kicks it from the 50, I want Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels to scream, “It’s Fantastic!”

Football has really changed. In the old says, before TV, (but just after radio and right in the middle of newspapers) the field goal was earned very differently. When a team scored the ref would raise his arms above his head like he does today, only back then the kicker had to kick a field goal between his two raised arms. That was a man’s sport.